When you’ve lived through emotional abuse, your nervous system can stay on high alert. A random login alert, a “people you may know” suggestion, a location pop-up, it can feel like someone’s standing behind you.
That reaction makes sense. In relationship abuse, control often doesn’t end when the relationship ends. Tech can become a long arm of coercion, especially when narcissism and surveillance behaviors were already part of the pattern.
This guide focuses on practical digital safety steps for 2026, without assuming you’re a tech person. Use what fits your situation, skip what doesn’t, and if you think your device is being monitored, choose the safer alternatives.
Quick note: This is general information, not legal advice. If you’re in immediate danger, call your local emergency number. In the US, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (or text “START” to 88788) for safety planning. When browsing safety websites, use safe exit features to quickly hide your activity from an abusive partner.
Start with the safest way to create a safety plan (especially if you might be monitored)
If an abusive person had physical access to your phone, knew your passcode, or “helped” set up your accounts, assume they may still have a window into your life. Before you change anything big, think about risk: some changes can trigger alerts or suspicion.
Use a safer device for sensitive steps
If you’re not sure your phone is clean, do sensitive tasks on a device they’ve never touched, like:
- A trusted friend’s phone or laptop
- A library computer
- A new low-cost phone you keep private (even Wi-Fi only)
If a safer device isn’t immediately available, use incognito mode in your browser for these steps and clear your browsing history right after.
This is also a good place to read survivor-focused resources like The Family Place online safety guidance, which is written with safety planning in mind.
Create a new “recovery” contact channel
For many people, the turning point in recovery is having one private channel that feels like yours again.
- Make a new email account that isn’t tied to shared devices, shared family accounts, or old recovery options.
- Consider a new phone number if the old one is on a shared plan, or if your carrier account is accessible to the other person; a burner phone is a valid option for maintaining a private channel.
- Tell only the people who truly need it, and ask them not to share it.
If this season of your life includes depression or guilt, you’re not alone. Support for the emotional side matters too, not just the settings. Living Numb has a compassionate piece on coping with depression after emotional abuse that many readers find grounding. Clear your browsing history after accessing these recovery resources.
Lock down accounts and privacy settings that quietly matter
A lot of tech-facilitated control happens through accounts, not hacking. Shared logins, saved devices, and “helpful” backups can keep someone connected.
Secure your email first (because it resets everything)
Email is the key that opens most other doors. From a safer device when possible (avoid shared computers, as keyloggers are a risk):
- Change your email password to secure passwords.
- Turn on two-factor authentication (2FA) using an authenticator app if you can.
- Check for hidden access: signed-in devices, “trusted devices,” and recent login history.
- Look for email forwarding rules and filters that quietly send copies of messages elsewhere.
If you suspect you’re being tracked or monitored and you want a survivor-centered explanation of common signs of monitoring, myPlan’s guide to being tracked and monitored lays it out in plain language.
Review app permissions like you’re closing windows in a house
On iOS and Android in 2026, app permissions are more detailed, but labels change. Use the search bar inside Settings for terms like “Location,” “Permissions,” “Privacy,” “Bluetooth,” “Microphone,” and “Photos.”
Focus on:
- Location access set to “Always” or “Precise”
- Microphone and camera access for apps that shouldn’t need it
- Contacts access (it can expose your support network)
- Calendar and photo access (it can reveal routines and places)
A simple rule: if an app doesn’t need it, turn it off. You can always turn it back on later.
Watch for “quiet” account ties
These are easy to forget and surprisingly revealing:
- Shared cloud-synced devices and shared albums
- Family sharing accounts (Apple/Google) with location sharing or purchase sharing
- Shared password managers or saved passwords on a shared computer
- Old tablets, watches, or cars still signed into your accounts
Location sharing and tracker risks (the breadcrumb trail)
Location is often the most sensitive piece of data after a breakup, especially during relationship healing. It can also be the most tangled, because there are many ways it leaks.
Turn off location sharing in the places people overlook
Check:
- System location services (Find My style features)
- Google location sharing and timeline-style history
- Social apps (Snap Map-style features, check-ins, story location tags)
- Photo location tagging (metadata can reveal where you were)
If you want a clear overview of how GPS monitoring is misused in abuse situations, WomensLaw’s GPS monitoring information is a strong, practical reference.
Physical tracking devices and “unknown item” alerts
Small physical tracking devices can be slipped into a bag, car, stroller, or coat pocket. Both iOS and Android offer alerts for unknown trackers, but they’re not perfect.
If you get an alert:
- Don’t panic, and don’t assume it’s your fault.
- Take screenshots for documenting abuse, which is vital before disabling trackers.
- If removing it could increase danger, call an advocate to plan next steps.
A mechanic can also help check a car for devices, which can feel less risky than doing it alone.
A quick table: signs something’s off, and safer moves
| Possible sign | What it might mean | Safer first step |
|---|---|---|
| Battery drains fast, phone runs hot | Hidden background activity (like stalkerware), heavy location use | Check battery usage list, ask an advocate or tech-savvy friend to review |
| You see unknown devices signed in | Account access still active | Change password and sign out other sessions from a safer device |
| Location “always on” for odd apps | Over-permissioned apps | Switch to “While using,” or turn location off for that app |
| Strange VPN, profiles, or device admin | Management or monitoring tools | Don’t remove impulsively, document and get support first |
Device checks, Wi-Fi, and shared plans (the stuff nobody warns you about)
This is where digital safety becomes real-life safety: phones, carriers, and home internet.
Shared phone plans and SIM swap risk
If your phone plan is in someone else’s name, they may be able to view call logs, change account settings, or move your number.
Steps that often help:
- Move to a plan in your name when you can.
- Ask your carrier about a port-out PIN or number transfer lock.
- Update carrier account passwords and security questions.
- Be cautious with SMS-based 2FA if you’re worried about SIM swaps, authenticator apps are usually safer.
Device checks without escalating danger
If you think your phone might have spyware, a factory reset can help, but it can also trigger confrontation if the other person notices lost access.
Safer options:
- Use a separate safer device for planning and support, including encrypted messaging apps to communicate securely with your support network.
- Apply webcam covers to laptops for added privacy.
- Get help from a domestic violence advocate or a trusted tech professional.
- If you do reset, set up as new (not from an old backup) when possible, because backups can re-install risky apps.
Router and Wi-Fi considerations
If you live somewhere the abusive person had access to the router, Wi-Fi can be a weak spot.
Consider:
- Changing the router admin password (not the Wi-Fi password)
- Updating router firmware
- Using a guest network for smart devices
- Securing smart home technology like cameras or thermostats that could be used for surveillance
- Switching to cellular data for sensitive tasks, if available
If changing router settings could create conflict, using a library or trusted friend’s Wi-Fi may be the safer choice.
If you only do 6 things this week
- Use a safer device for planning if you suspect monitoring.
- Secure your email first, then turn on two-factor authentication.
- Turn off location sharing you don’t need, adjust privacy settings, and limit “Always” location permissions.
- Check for shared ties, family groups, cloud sharing, old devices, and signed-in sessions.
- Call for support if you feel stuck; the National Domestic Violence Hotline (US) can safety plan with you.
- Use incognito mode and practice clearing browsing history regularly.
Digital safety supports recovery, but it’s not the whole story. You’re rebuilding a sense of choice, and that matters.
Conclusion
You don’t have to become a tech expert to protect yourself after emotional abuse. Small, steady changes, done in a safe order, can reduce the risk of tracking and give you breathing room for recovery. If relationship abuse involved tech-facilitated abuse through control, threats, or narcissism, it’s normal to feel jumpy, like noticing signs of monitoring, while you reset your privacy. Keep your focus on safety, get support when you can, and take the next step, such as building a safety plan, a dynamic tool for reclaiming autonomy after emotional abuse, that helps you sleep a little easier tonight.
